The Story / Context – What Happened
December 21, 2015 was a momentous day for my business partner and me. We had opened the doors to our first business. After 8 long years of struggle exploring multiple ideas, we finally had a tangible brick and mortar business, a high-end dine-in restaurant.
The planning and buildout had taken 2 years. My partner and I worked like a dream team.
I focused on developing critical documents and took care of backend functions — business plan, legal contracts, financial analysis and modeling, marketing design and planning across web, social media, and print, technology setup, and much more. He brought his business experience and people skills — industry networks, business licensing and permitting, construction contracting and execution, business services and product planning, among others.
We complemented each other very well. We also spoke a lot about how we wanted to run the business with the highest values and integrity. We were aligned on the core mission and vision.
A business partnership built on a 20-year friendship. We had grown close like family, and I looked up to my partner like an elder brother. There was not a day during the two years of planning, and well into running the business, where we did not talk at least once a day.
You couldn’t get any better than this. I felt lucky to have such a partner.
So I thought!
The Experience – What I Noticed and What I’ve Lived
Five years into co-founding the business, I walked out of the partnership on December 31, 2021.
The first signs do not stand out. They are usually subtle, innocent-looking, done very casually. You miss them because you may be fully immersed in living by your values, mission, and vision of the business, whereas the partner never had the intention to. So you never suspect.
My professional situation required me to be in a different city than the physical location of the business. Partnerships where one partner is remote can work when there is trust. They can deteriorate over time if values get misaligned, interactions become sporadic, greed seeps into the equation, or other forces take hold.
It started slowly with fewer phone calls. When he did speak, it was to relay what he wanted done, and he would hang up after giving vague answers to my queries. Then the gaps between communications got longer.
My suspicions deepened when I asked about business partnership paperwork for the existing business and how the new investments for expansions would be documented. Again, vague and inconsistent responses.
In 2021, the universe was aligning to clear my path to move to the location of my business. So I did.
It was time to observe for myself and to clear or confirm my suspicions. Suspicions – that my business partner wanted me and other investing partners out, exploiting us for our labor and capital while avoiding transparency or accountability on finances.
When your mind awakens, you will be amazed at how much you notice. In less than 2 months, I observed several patterns which confirmed my suspicions.
Here are a few:
>> Body language – Feels discomfort at your presence, avoids eye contact, squirms when you press on questions.
>> Communication – Creates urgent demands for money, gives inconsistent and vague responses on business matters.
>> Emotional – Resorts to gaslighting, reminds you of old memories and past trust to keep you believing, guilt-trips you when you ask for accountability, treats you as a subordinate or even an employee, small/micro insults.
>> Financial – Pays close attention to your expenses but deflects questions about his own, downplays the profitability of the business, shifts the goalposts on sharing returns.
And in no time, I had collected enough evidence through my observations and conversations.
I had to make a call.
I walked out of the business on December 31, 2021. It was not easy. But it was necessary to keep my dignity, integrity, and values. Money lost can be earned back but not your integrity.
And I walked out with valuable lessons — which I share through this blog.
The Lesson – What Can You Learn and Do Differently
From my own experience, I have compiled a few things you should think through – whether you are considering going into business with a friend or family member, or are already in one and something feels off.
Reflect on these not with your logical mind alone, but with your intuition. Especially your intuition.
Focus on patterns of behavior over time, not one-off incidents or moments of charm.
1. Pay attention to power dynamics.
Is the relationship skewed in favor of the other person, or can you have a healthy discussion without feeling fear, shame, or inadequate? Have you paid attention to how you feel around them? Do you see a pattern in how they treat others – talking them down, always playing up their own abilities and those of their inner circle?
I had known my partner for 20 years. I admired him, looked up to him, and over time I had stopped fully vocalising my own ideas, concerns, or interests. I did not notice the shift until much later. By then, the dynamic had been set.
An unhealthy power dynamic should give you a pause.
And when you do speak up — how are your ideas received? Ignored, minimized, never acted on? If so, move that pause to a NO. Because the behaviour may not be one-off but a pattern – if you recall every interaction you may have had with your friend / family partner.
2. Transparency should be non-negotiable.
How transparent is your partner’s communication? Do they embellish to mislead? Do you get honest, clear answers to legitimate questions – especially about finances?
In the early years, we spoke a lot about honesty as a core value. I believed it. Over time, the explanations stopped adding up – financials, operational matters, why other partners were let go. The words did not match the actions. And I confirmed this very quickly once I moved to where the business actually was.
Try to remember how your partner shares information during good times and bad. Do you see consistency or do the tales get taller and more roundabout?
The pattern is always there. You just have to be willing to see it.
3. Trust the patterns, not the history.
A long shared history can be a blind spot.
Twenty years of friendship made me more forgiving of the warning signs, not less. I kept explaining things away because of what we had built together – the memories, the trust, the family-like bond.
But patterns do not lie. How someone behaves under pressure, how they handle money, how they respond when questioned – these are the real data points. Not the good times. Not the origin story of your relationship.
When something feels off, resist the urge to explain it away. A failed business partnership can cost you both the business and the friendship.
Protect one by being honest about the other – before you start.
I remain an optimist. If not this partner, the next one could be your best. But always grow from your mistakes.
There are great examples of friends and families who got it right.
Globally – Airbnb, Ben & Jerry’s, Google, Whole Foods, among others.
Closer to home, India has its own inspiring stories of friends turned business partners. Flipkart was built by Sachin Bansal and Binny Bansal. Zomato started by Deepinder Goyal and Pankaj Chaddah. Meesho was co-founded by Vidit Aatrey and Sanjeev Barnwal. And going further back, the family based empires – Tata Group, Godrej, and the Birla are all testaments to what families can build across generations when values hold.
Final Thought – The Choice
“Character is like a tree, and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” – Abraham Lincoln
I chose to stay true to my character – Integrity.
What will you choose when you are faced with similar situations in your entrepreneurial journey?
What are some other characteristics you would look for in a business partner? I’d love to hear your thoughts.